At four years old, she was told something that became her belief, her truth…
At any age, we all seek a fundamental truth, a truth we initially look for outside ourselves, a truth we derive from others to validate our lives; the truth of unconditional acceptance and validation of our being, of our worthiness. The truth is we know our truth, but often get disconnected from our truth.
I had the most amazing soulful connection with an 80-year-old woman this past week in the therapy clinic; one of the most inspiring and enlightening experiences of my life. She has been questioning the reasons for her struggles over the past few decades of her life, although she was very successful in her business before retirement. In my brief observation and through conversation, I sensed she had been allowing herself to die slowly and painfully with the aging process; dying to Self; denial of Self; deprecation and destruction of Self; denying herself the joy that stems from living her passion, a passion that moves her spirit and fills her soul.
She questioned, what was the point anymore, what was the purpose to her life? She questioned what it was to have faith or to “trust in the process.” She said that getting old was painful and nobody really cared.
For years, she has had difficulty sleeping and feels depressed when awake. One would think she was simply depressed, which can occur with aging. She recently had surgery and her body was healing, but in addition to the physical healing, she was dealing with many emotions that were surfacing, causing feelings of unrest and uncertainty.
I asked her what she enjoyed doing. She told me she spends time with her family. She has been married for over sixty years, and has children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She told me she looks at old pictures of herself and sees a young girl who is no longer present. That profound comment immediately caught my heart’s attention. I looked directly into her eyes and said, “That girl is still very present, she still lives inside you, she has never left you, it is you who have left her, denied her.” She looked at me—there was a moment of silence. As I continued to talk with her, I found out her interests and talents, which were indeed, her passion… poetry and art, painting and drawing. “How beautiful,” I remarked. I shared that this natural ability to creatively express, was a gift, uniquely hers.
“What’s the point,” she said, “No one cares about this kind of stuff anymore. They are too busy with other things, with gadgets and interests elsewhere. I don’t want to bring people down with my views on life. My views are not like yours.”
I asked her how she felt when she used to write poetry and paint. She said she felt alive, she was inspired. The creativity came through her onto paper and onto canvas. I gently brought to her attention that while she was expecting others to find value with her inspired works of art, she was not appreciating and valuing these works for herself.
Although her outlook was pessimistic and doubtful, it was her reality being expressed, her feelings and perspective that had me intrigued and inspired. I was greatly inspired by our connection, the enriching content of our heart and soulful communication. She expressed feeling inspired by my outlook but said she could not connect with it. I challenged her on this, for I knew on a deeper level, she was truly moved and engaged but was resisting her own authentic truth… for the truth that she has known and lived with for eight decades, a truth told to her in her youth by her father, a person she dearly loved and respected, had prevailed throughout her life. I asked her to consider that the intention of our meeting was to bring attention to her symptoms of restlessness and depression as a message from her body, to open her to a new perspective that the possibility her truth did not match her father’s truth. She acknowledged me with a look, neither denying nor confirming the possibility…
My hope for capturing and re-creating the essence of this experience is for you to personally experience each insightful and inspiring moment. Are you able to sense the intimacy and vulnerability of this extraordinary exchange? What do you feel will follow from this interaction? Does this remarkable story invite any feelings of your own to surface? Does it penetrate deep within, at a level you may not have been aware of before reading this? Are you moved in any way?
What are you seeking in your life? What really matters to you? What brings you joy and happiness—what inspires you, makes your heart sing? Do you acknowledge yourself, your deeper authentic Self that you know intimately or are you afraid to open up and reveal yourself for fear of misunderstandings, judgment, criticism, or ridicule? Are you wrestling with or resisting your truth, your authentic truth? Are you questioning something someone told you, a belief that you made your own? Are you revisited by your conscience, your intuitive guide?
At any age, our authentic truth remains the same. Deep within our core is a belief that we inherently know as our truth, an inner wisdom with which we came into this world. We are born with a magnificent sense of the truth of who we are—this is our foundational truth, our unique truth embedded and encoded within us that guides our growth and expansion, offering insight and stability in our lives. Yet, sadly, we lose touch with our truth; we “seemingly” separate from our deeper knowing Self. We spend our lives mirroring and modeling for each other, creating perceptions of false truths based on our conditioned beliefs and perspectives from our life experiences, thus creating lifelong impressions in our minds and hearts. Such intimate influences and connections contribute to our current beliefs and behaviors, and even our physiology. It is a practice and a discipline, once we become aware, to learn how to trust, to not fear or resist our inner knowing and guidance. As I learn to expand my awareness, to be a presence of unconditional love and acceptance, I find myself engaging and listening with an open-hearted presence to what is present, a subtle knowing beyond words… I truly believe our essence is love. We embody a Divine Spirit, that which is love of the purest kind. This loving Spirit nurtures us, keeps us “Whole.” We are worthy of giving and receiving love, we are magnificent in design, we are remarkable, and there is inherent value and meaning in each of our lives. I know this as our authentic truth!
Self-inquiry for your truth will unfold new and remarkable experiences. Honor and trust yourself, your Higher Self. Indeed, commitment to honoring your authentic truth takes courage, patience, loving intention, appreciation, and trust in the process. Challenge yourself to change and to grow… open to your heart’s greatest desires. Listen quietly as you open your heart to the possibility of a new perspective. Proceed with kindness and be gentle with yourself. Know that reconnecting with your Authentic Truth is a journey worth making!
Your Authentic Truth Remains the Same is an inspired writing from the author’s book, Heart’s Alchemy: 5 Core Insights to Seeing Yourself as You Really Are.
by Deborah S. Howell
Dr. Deborah Howell is a Health and Heartset Coach & Mentor for healthcare and front-line professionals who are feeling the stress and strain of working in healthcare, supporting them to revitalize and expand their capacity to care and feel fulfilled without sacrificing their physical, mental, emotional, & spiritual well-being. She is the Founder and CEO of Victory in Action LLC and Heart First Medicine Academy specializing in Heart-Focused Leadership and Empowerment, and Emotional Resilience training.
Dr. Howell is a Licensed Physical Therapist, Chronic Care Professional Health Coach, Life Coach, HeartMath® Trauma-Sensitive Practitioner and Coach-Mentor, Best-selling Author, and Navy Veteran.
